Trust

It’s a hard thing.  I’d venture to say that the majority of the people in this world struggle with it to some degree.  Rightfully so.  This world teaches us that trust is earned not granted.  If you betray my confidence in your authenticity, I will retract my trust until you prove yourself to me once again.  Isn’t this what we’re taught?

So why is it so hard to trust God who has never failed us at any point or betrayed us in any way?  To trust the fact that He is who He says He is, He will do what He says He will do, and His plan and purpose for me in this time and space is precisely en pointe for the rest of humanity and eternity.  I can remember so many circumstances in my life that seemed impossible to overcome.  Ok, God, sorry!  I can’t do what you asked of me and I can’t trust you fully to provide because this, this, and this need to happen before I can do this, this, and this.  And yet, at those seemingly impossible moments, he squashed my excuses and provided exactly what I needed.  Sometimes I just imagine God shaking his head at me saying, “How do you still not know what I’m capable of?”

He just brought me through this lesson this summer…once again.  Ok, God, I’m moving to a new place where I know no one.  I’m scared, I’m insecure, and I don’t know how You’re going to pull this one off.  And yet, He did.  He told me 2 things repeatedly (and, go figure, I was still slow to catch on): 1. I will take care of every detail and 2. Be still.

Be still.  Be.  Still.  Aren’t those two separate things?  To be means that I’m actively and purposefully living, breathing, doing.  Still means that I’m not.  Unless what He’s really saying is “Actively and purposefully trust in my ability to bring into fruition everything that I have already intended.”  Eek!  I don’t like these words because it means that I must willingly relinquish control (like I had it in the first place) and jump on this train without knowing where it’s going and when.

I think it’s so frightening, because I often dismiss the second part of this.  Psalm 46:10  “Be still and know that I am God…”  To know something is to have confidence in a proven fact.  Or, put another way, it is trustworthy because the results have been tested.  So, I am actively and purposefully relinquishing my control and trusting that God will do exactly what He has intended to do.

It’s easier to claim this and accept it when we’re not really faced with a major crisis.  Why is it so much harder to “be still and know” when our marriages are struggling or when we’ve lost our jobs or when we’ve lost family members or when we’re called to transplant our lives to the opposite side of the country or world?  Hasn’t God already proven that He is so abundantly capable?

I don’t want to just know/trust that God is going to provide for my needs.  I also want to know/trust that however He chooses to do it is far superior to how I expect Him to provide.  AND, I am not required to do anything in order for this to happen.  I don’t have to pray 5 times a day, I don’t have to conquer a nation or donate $100 in order to receive provisions.  I have to BE STILL and KNOW.  The more I see God provide in my life and in the lives of my friends and family, the more I am convinced that He is totally trustworthy.  He is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do.  Because of this, I am able to be still and know that He is God.

Such honest worship!  I’m in love with this song right now.

More than this

I’m sad.  I’m sitting here in my heated RV.  We have plenty of food in the fridge, I have multiple outfits in my closet and practically any source of entertainment at my fingertips.  I live in a safe area and my country was built on and emphasizes freedom.  I am free.  It’s a good feeling until I realize that it means I am also complacent.

I’ve read several articles lately of people in foreign countries who are tortured or killed for minor crimes.  Some are tortured or killed for no reason at all.  For many, it’s not safe to walk outside of their own homes.  And then there are people who don’t even have homes.  Or families.  Or food or clothes.

So, I’m sad, because I am not nearly grateful enough for the abundant blessings I do have and because there are so many people who will never have anything close to what I have.  It lights a fire in a me a little bit, because as much as I love freedom, I also hate complacency.  Even if Josh and I never make it back to Africa (hopefully we will!) to live there and help people, I want to make sure that my time is not wasted.  I want to think less of myself and my comforts and more about how I can help people who have nothing.

My life is not all about me.  Sure, it’d be nice to have constant happiness and comfort, but when I die, I doubt I will have cared about how many feather pillows I slept on at night.  I am called to be more and to do more.  Helping others, being a light in the darkness- that is what measures my purpose.  And I hope that when I’m done on this earth, no one will be able to say I wasn’t finished yet.

 

“When the time comes to die, make sure that all you have to do is die.” –Jim Elliot

Opposites attract

I fully believe this now after living it out.  When Josh and I were going to pre-marital counseling, our counselor made us take a personality test.  For those of you non-clinical folk, we took the Meyers-Briggs Inventory, which basically looks at the way you process information, relationships, and the world around you.  When he got the results of our test, he said, “Hmm…that’s interesting.  I’ve never had that happen before.”  Josh and I were literally complete opposites on every point in the test, and consequently, our personalities (and it was not a short test).  And after we got married, we definitely felt like complete opposites as we tried to figure out how to live life together.  Honestly, it’s been great, though.  Sometimes it’s hard to step aside and take in the other person’s perspective, but it has definitely taught us how to appreciate each other.

  Josh’s personality type

  My personality type

So, I thought it would be beneficial/fun for you faithful readers to find out what type of personality you have.  (Disclaimer: this is just one small facet of a personality, so don’t expect it to reveal a whole lot about you…it’s finite.)  This website is not the official Meyers-Briggs Inventory, but it is accurate enough to determine your personality traits and hopefully give you some more insight into who you are.  Click on the “Jung+Enneagram” option in the upper right hand side of the list (The Enneagram part will give you a more complete look at your habits/tendencies).  Once you get your results, you can go here to see what each letter means by clicking on each of the 4 categories (E or I, S or N, T or F, J or P).  Finally, you can go here or here for a descriptive list of personality traits for your type.  And if you care to share, I’d love to hear what you are!

Busy bees

Well, October was a busy month for this Skaggs tribe.  At the beginning of the month, I was able to go back to Columbia for a friend’s wedding.  In a small way it was like a reunion, because I hadn’t seen some of these people in literally years.  It truly was a blessing to see and talk face-to-face with some of the most precious people I have ever met.  I also got to meet (and hold!) Josh’s new little brother, Joel.  I think awesomeness runs in the Skaggs family, because he’s a pretty cool kid already.  And after 3 months of looking for a year-long home for Kaiser, I brought him to his last (hopefully) temporary home.

  Not only are my friends amazing, but they’re gorgeous too!

     

Joel Jedediah Skaggs 

       

Kaiser snuggles

Then, Josh and I decided to utilize his 3-day break from work and head down to San Antonio.  I have seen a lot of interesting cities, but in the small amount of San Antonio that I saw, it might be on the top of my list for US cities.  That’s a bold statement, I know, but it was a great mixture of history and modern entertainment.  While there, we walked the famous Riverwalk, explored the caverns, remembered the Alamo, and visited one of Josh’s old ALERT buddies.  There was so much more we wanted to do and see, but we didn’t have enough time to fit it all in this time.

  

The River Walk- it was like stepping into a European city

 

                                                     I like him.                                                   

   The Caverns

 The Alamo

We came home for a day and then flew to Corpus Christi to visit some sweet friends who are getting married next weekend!  It was great to be able to relax with them and see their new town (they also just recently moved to the country of Texas from SC).  For those of you who don’t know, Corpus is right on the Gulf, which makes for perfect weather and salty goodness.  It made me realize how absolutely fun it would be to live by the beach (at least for a little bit).  We were hanging out in our swimsuits in the middle of October.  No biggie.  After eating as much seafood as we could manage, we headed back to our current locale.  This week, we’re heading to Key Largo for the wedding of those Corpus Christians.  Told ya we’ve been busy..

A good old fashioned boat ride through the canals.

    And, a good old fashioned bike ride tandem style!

It’s rough.

We’ve actually been kinda slack as far as exploring our own territory.  So after all of our out-of-town adventures, we decided to check out a few of Dallas’ own gems.  We finally went to see where JFK was shot and explored the Perot Museum.  We have a list of other museums and famous places we need to visit this month, but one thing at a time.

   X marks the spot where JFK was shot.

 A view of Dallas from the Perot Museum

It’s strange that we’ll only be here for a few more weeks.  We’ve gotten pretty comfortable here and have enjoyed that famous Texas hospitality and pride.  And the people who we’ve met here have been so incredible.  It’s a little sad to say goodbye- even though we haven’t truly been here long enough to put down roots.  But along with this goodbye, there’s a new hello and we’re pretty excited to see what Washington has in store for us.