Heaven

I want Jesus.  Really badly.  Not only do I want him, but I need him desperately.  I’ve been thinking about heaven a lot lately.  I’m sure it’s going to be so much more grand and glorious than I actually picture in my mind, but whenever I think about it, I get giddy.  That’s never happened before. 

When I was little, I used to think it must be boring living in a pure white city where mysterious fog seems to constantly hover over the ground.  I just pictured everyone walking somberly along, and when that certain part of the day came, every somber and serious saint and angel would recite their praise to a God who was just as somber and serious. 

As I got older, I tried less to imagine what my life would be like there and more of how I would even be able to make it into that white, white place.  I had this view that the Paul’s and Peter’s of this world were welcomed in gladly and that God smiled as they came in.  When it came time for “regular” people to walk through those pearly gates, though, God waved us through annoyed, casting judgmental looks our way like we only made it by the skin of our teeth and if it wasn’t for his infinite mercy, we would be kicked out of paradise to the place where no one wishes to go.

Thankfully, the Lord has been changing my view of himself and heaven.  Honestly, who wants to serve a boring or critical God?  He has pursued me tirelessly this year and has loved me with a depth I didn’t realize he had (the God I used to know only loved out of obligation) and didn’t realize I was capable of experiencing.

Who is my God?  He is a King- a mighty King.  He is my Savior- one who refused to let me slip through the cracks.  He is faithful, loving, compassionate, merciful, gracious, just, strong, wise, powerful, glorious, and holy.  He is everything I need and more.  It’s easy to spit out those words as one raised to know those things about God.  But, I’m able to know now just what it means to proclaim who He is.  I have lived through those times when he is faithful or just or glorious.  I have felt his love for me and for others in ways I just could not imagine before. 

And because he is those things and so much more, I need him because I am not.  This is why I want Jesus and need him so badly.  I need him to love me well, to pursue me well, to change me and make me whole.  I need him to have a constant place in my life, because without him, I don’t know what my God is capable of.  He goes back to being a judgmental King who sits on his white throne day and night.  AND MY GOD IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT! 

So, the more I learn about the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, the more I see how praiseworthy my God actually is!  I heard something the other day about Old Testament prophecies and how a particular passage pointed to Christ’s second coming.  Just the very thought of seeing Jesus- there are no words!  My body actually aches sometimes when I think about it.  I yearn to see him and be with him so badly that everything else I care about pales in comparison.

Alright, getting back to heaven.  I don’t know what it’s going to look like or be like (besides what the Bible says about it).  But I know this: my God is not boring.  Maybe, just maybe, God likes to have fun?  Maybe he also enjoys beauty?  Maybe he would rather love than judge?  It’s been hard to retrain my mind to think of my God as anything but critical and judgmental, because that’s how I viewed him for so long.  But once we’re home, we’re home!  We are in a place where there won’t be tears.  I personally believe that we might not even remember what pain (emotional or physical) feels like or what it was like to experience it on earth.    When I picture it now, it’s not stark white with weird fog.  It has colors I have never seen before and music I have never heard before.  And people are constantly laughing and clapping and praising a King who has a love that is too pure not to be praised.  And there He is.  My glorious King and his Son- the Conqueror.  These beautiful beings who look at me and smile so gently because they delight in me (Zephaniah 3:17).

This is the kind of heaven I want to live in for eternity.  This is the God I want to serve here and in heaven.  So, while God is not finished with me on earth, I am so excited for the day when he is.  I will get to meet amazing people (I’m actually really excited to meet Abednego and his buddies, martyrs, and Josh’s mom) and see amazing things.  Most importantly, I will be completely whole and restored.  But most, most importantly, I will gladly sing “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”  Because HE is!